Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Joke of the day (Thursday)

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Joke of the day (Thursday)

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are

    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now

    published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while

    these exchanges were actually taking place.




    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


    _____! ________________________________


    ATTORNEY: When is your birthday?

    WITNESS: July 18th.

    ATTORNEY: What year?

    WITNESS: Every year.


    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
    forgot?


    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.


    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
    morning?

    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My name is Susan.


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
    voodoo?

    WITNESS: We both do.

    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

    WITNESS: We do.

    ATTORNEY: You do?

    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep,

    he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


    ___________________________________


    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.


    ________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: Uh....


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
    dead
    people?

    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
    to?

    WITNESS: Oral.


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
    an
    autopsy on him!


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Huh?


    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
    a
    pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

    began autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law.
    ??Click me to donate??

    #2


    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep,

    he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    [SIZE=1][B]"Now more than ever the people are responsible for the character of their Congress. If that body be ignorant, reckless, and corrupt, it is because the people tolerate ignorance, recklessness, and corruption." ~President James Garfield[/B][/SIZE]
    <<< Please [URL="http://www.cainslair.com/misc.php?do=donate"]donate[/URL] >>>

    Comment


      #3
      Lol the last one was best.
      [img]https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4373/35734799443_53cb20ef13_z.jpg[/img]


      Killed by CLRs since 2004. WOOT!
      Support Cainslair. Donate here! [url]http://www.cainslair.org/billspaypal.php?[/url]

      Comment


        #4
        Oh my, I haven't laughed this hard in so long.

        Comment


          #5
          Lol
          [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v337/Igorod/troopdod.jpg[/img]
          [url=http://profile.xfire.com/trooper110][img]http://miniprofile.xfire.com/bg/co/type/1/trooper110.png[/img][/url]

          Comment


            #6
            I have to share some of these.

            Comment


              #7
              Almost like the Darwin awards...
              ??Click me to donate??

              Comment

              Cain's Lair Forums Statistics

              Collapse

              Topics: 26,187   Posts: 269,850   Members: 6,183   Active Members: 6
              Welcome to our newest member, Fermin13Q.

              Today's Birthdays

              Collapse

              There are no members with birthdays today.

              Top Active Users

              Collapse

              There are no top active users.

              More Posts

              Collapse

              • Reply to Hi guys!
                by Evil_T0NY {CLR}
                I've been Alpha and will be Beta testing the Delta Force game. It's been really getting good reviews! Definitely a good Battlefield feel to it like the...
                14 Nov 2024, 08:50 PM
              • Reply to Hope your all OK over there
                by Apache Warrior
                We had 17 inches of rain from the storm on November 7, 2024.
                Apache
                11 Nov 2024, 07:55 AM
              • Reply to Hope your all OK over there
                by Sirex
                Aye, I'm inclined to agree with that lmao
                Gone are the days of warm summers and snow filled winters here, nothing but rain and wind for 8mths of...
                10 Nov 2024, 08:53 PM
              • Reply to Hope your all OK over there
                by Apache Warrior
                Now we have had a lot of flooding in this area and there are still a lot of houses that have not been repaired. Must be the apocalypse.
                ...
                8 Nov 2024, 09:23 AM
              Working...
              X