--- Deer ----

[-Bar]

Funny story that I cam across and couldn't believe that this guy actually had this happen to him... just totally unbelievable.

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that,
since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much
fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up
and sniff at the
bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it
should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over
its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They
were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out..
...a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and
threw.. ..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension
on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action
when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no
controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off
my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me
that having a deer
on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other
animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few
minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing
out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for
corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end
of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it
would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that
moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling
was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various
large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think
clearly enough to
recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount
of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the
deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back
up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before
hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope
back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised
when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of
my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head
--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached
up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my
final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and
their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes
at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing
to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards
the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can
escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would
not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice
as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run , it
hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
scope to sort of even the odds

[Hawkeye426]

No one is that stupid, like come on... who would think they could take on a full grown buck by hand and win with only a rope? I think you could pass as insane to try.

[-Bar]

like I said.... totally unbelievable. But funny or at least I thought it was.

[-IRC-MIKE]

That is the best thing I've read all year.

People outside my office are trying to figure out if I am crying or laughing.

[Zantheus]

LOL thats is pretty funny....and Deer can be pretty aggressive. Have any of you watched the Animals Attack show on Spike? One episode was about a lady who was attacked by Deer and almost died

[Tuck]

Yeah, I've read that before and it's hilarious. Don't know if it's true, but it's still hilarious.

Of course, I have one that's (supposedly) true, which makes it even funnier, IMO.

A buddy of mine has a dad most would describe as a redneck. He's country to his tooth, and enjoys the things most other rednecks do, like NASCAR, beer, hunting, etc.

Well, Bubba (I honestly don't know his real name, but will use Bubba just to make the story flow) was driving down the highway one afternoon in his pickup when he see's a deer laying on the side of the road, an obvious victim of a collision with a car. At first Bubba thought the deer was dead, like almost all you see on the side of the road, but as he approached the deer lifted his head and struggled to get to his feet. It gives up and drops again.

Now Bubba is an animal lover, despite killing them each and every fall. And he hates to see an animal suffering. So he decides he'll pull over and put the deer out of its misery. Bubba always kept a couple of guns in his truck, as most rednecks do. More specifically, he usually kept a handgun in the glove box and a rifle behind the seat (legal in this state). So he pulls over and reaches into the glove box. But there's no gun. In an instant he realized that he had removed the guns from his vehicle a couple of days before because he had to put his truck in the shop. He didn't want anyone to steal them.

What to do? In that instant, Bubba decides there are other ways to put a deer out of its misery, so he rummages around looking for a knife. No luck. What he comes up with will do the trick, though: a large ball peen hammer. One swift lick in the head ought to put the deer out of its misery.

As he approaches the conscious deer, it realizes its in danger, and struggles to get to its feet again. But to no avail. Apparently it had a broken pelvis or something, because it couldn't just get all four feet under itself.

So Bubba approaches the poor suffering beast slowly, speaking in a low, comforting voice. "Nice deer... everything's gonna be all right... just relax now and it'll all be over soon." The deer continues to struggle and then collapses in a (presumably) combination of fear, pain and exhaustion. Bubba approaches, and sees it's still breathing, and its eyes are still open. He walks behind the deer so he won't have to look into its eyes and raises the hammer.

WHACK! Right on top of the deer's head. In an instant, Bubba realized that deer have pretty thick skulls. He also realized that even a deer that can't walk due to injury will find a way to get up when someone attacks it with a hammer.

So despite the pain, the deer gets to its feet and limps quickly away. Bubba is standing there dumbfounded, with a bloody hammer in his hand. The deer limps about 50 feet away and collapses again. So Bubba approaches again, this time sure to get it right. Of course the deer isn't about to let that happen, so it gets up and limps off again. By now, Bubba is literally chasing this bloody deer.

Right about that time, a state trooper happens by, just in time to see the sight of a redneck chasing a bloody deer with a hammer down the side of the road. Not knowing what the heck is going on, he gets out and draws his gun, demanding that Bubba turn around and drop the hammer.

Of course, turning your back on an injured, scared 8-point buck is not a very good idea. When he does, the deer attacks him and gets him in the arse with his antlers. Now Bubba is afraid. He's got a guy pointing a gun on one end, and a deer with vengeance on its mind on the other. He drops the hammer. And he runs.

Now the deer is chasing Bubba, and the state trooper doesn't know who to shoot. Bubba runs back to his truck to escape the angry deer, with a gash in his butt that's bleeding pretty good. The deer limps off into the woods.

Luckily, the trooper has some common sense and doesn't shoot anyone, but he does cuff Bubba while he figures out what's going on.

In the end, Bubba explains the situation to the trooper and his arrest is only temporary. But the story will last forever.

[Trooper110]

Hehe, those are both pretty good. Second sounds kinda like what happened to my brother.

He's driving home one night, comes up on a small rise and sees a pick up trucksitting there. He goes past and pulls over to see what's wrong. Guy tells him there's a dead deer on the road and he doesn't know what to do.

So my brother decides they'll just pull it off the road and he'll call and notify the police later. He walks over, deer puts it's head up, but it's not moving. He asks the guy if he has a gun or a knife or something. Guy says he doesn't.

My brother asks if he has anything they can hit the deer with. Guy says he isn't sure, looks, and finds a sledge hammer. Guy says he just can't do it. So my brother takes the hammer and walks over.

He said it was looking up at him with big brown Bambi eyes, and then....WHAM. Killed the deer and they dragged it to the side of the road.

My brother drives 50 yards up the road to a township police department, walks in with blood all over his hands, and asks if they have a bathroom, then tells them that there's a dead deer about 50 yards up the road :P

[Thrashdragon]

LOL, good one Bar.

[linemanstud]

What I don't understand about that story is why didn't he tie the other end of the rope to the truck? It might have worked then.

Now for MY story.

There is a guy I know who lives in St. Germain, Wisconsin. He was born and raised there and it shows. He is a logger and a body builder, as well as an avid fisherman and hunter. I know him because his wife and my mom have been friends since childhood.

So there we were, him, me, and my dad, fishing in his boat at about 9 at night for some walleye. We had just set up in a new spot when we spy some lights in the woods and some guys shouting. Being the curious bunch we are, we tied up on the shore and went to investigate. As we got closer we realized that there were three guys with rifles in a circle around a wounded deer.

We asked them what happened and they told us that they were shooting at this deer (illegally) and hit it, but could not finish it off because they were so close to a lake that currently had an officer from the DNR on it (it was no secret because of his boat). Being the rugged logger he is, the guy I was with asked if they had any hunting knives. Two of them said yeah and handed them to him.

This is where it gets unbelievable for me. He tells us he is going to jump on this deer and kill it for them, just to put it out of its misery. I watched in awe as this 6 foot 275 lb body builder/logger ran at this deer, hopped on its back, and drove both knives into its skull. When we were sure the deer was dead we investigated. Turns out only one of the knives made it through the skull. The other bent 90 degrees on the skull. It was the craziest thing I have ever seen.

[mapes]

Deer.....shudder...Ok I got two deer motorcycle stories. First involves a friend who lives on a rural road. He is riding home after work around sunset time. This is the worst time for deer seem to populate roadways at dawn or dusk. In any event he turns onto his drive and he's speeding a little. He comes around a corner and bam runs into a deer. He goes down but, it's not bad. He looked over at the deer. It missing a front fetlock. He gets back up and rides to his house to get his gun. He rides back and the deer is gone????.....They ocaasionally still see a three legged deer to this day.


The other story....Ok this is bad ass. I have another motorcycle friend by the name of Moike. He's one of those motorcycle stunt types....Constantly doing wheelies and stopies you name it. In any event around dusk he is riding over the Santa Cruz mountains. On a straight-away he see's deer walking from the shoulder to the center divider. Now Moike is in the right hand lane so he starts to slow down. The deer still blissfully unaware that a Suzuki Hayabusa is bearing down on it, continues to walk mostly into the the left lane. Now Moike's got a prob... Does he pass it on the left in front of it or does he pass it on the right behind it. He chose the right on the shoulder of the highway. Just as he is passing the deer the deer whirls around and makes a leap for the shoulder. A quick note about the haybusa.....luckily it has a very sloped front end on it.....

In any event he ducks his head and impacts the deer square in the belly at about 40mph. The deer carcass goes flying over him. Immediately the bike goes into what is called a "Tank Slapper" meaning the front end is going lock to lock ...left to right and back again in an extremely fast manner. Take it from me tank slappers suck!...Very frightening. In any event he's about to go down except his reflexs save him. He does the right thing....which is to whack the throttle and bang out a huge wheelie. After the bike settles down ...he eases up and pulls over.... He's freaked out and shaking like a leaf. A CHP officer pulls up behind him and is like "Wow I can't believe you pulled that off". the cop saw the whole thing. The deer was DOA..... How ever he did some major damage to the front plastic of the bike. The gross thing though was every where there was seam where plastic pieces overlaped or met there was deer flesh wedge into it. Plus when ever he fired up his bike it smelled like BBQ for the next 6 monthes..

[Trooper110]

Mmmmmm, bar-b-q

Great stories so far :P

Got another one for ya.

My cousin is in the army, he was doing it through college.
Few summers back he was working at Ft. Indiantown Gap and helping out his seargant with various jobs as his summer job. He's on the range one day with guys who are new out of basic training and they're working with the 250 Gulf. 10 of them in a line at a time and my cousin is calling directions on the range.

The tower calls down and had just called lanes free when a deer wanders out on the range. My cousin said he saw all 10 250 Gulf's track on to the deer and open fire. He said that about 3 seconds later the tower called a cease fire. Think he said they'd fired like some 400 or 500 rounds in those 3 seconds.

The seargant sends him with the humvee down range to pick up the peices. He brought one peice back, he said maybe the size of two fists from one of the deer's legs. Was the biggest and really only transportable piece he said he could find.

[xGoblin013x]

Wow... I wish I had stories like these. Best I have is when my grandmother was driving home and hit a deer at a whopping 20 MPH
Therefore, she just had to go buy a new Lexus...
senility isn't praiseworthy.

[Thrashdragon]

Here's a good example of the type of people that live around here:

My little sister, her husband, and their daughter were driving on a dark road one evening and a deer jumped in front of them. Both the deer and the SUV were completely totaled. While they were waiting for the police and the tow truck to arrive, a local stopped to see if they were okay. Once he was assured that was every one was okay, the next thing out of his mouth was, "Y'all gon' eat that?"

When they replied in the negative, he scooped up its many parts, threw them in the back of his truck, and happily motored away.

[-IRC-MIKE]

No one is that stupid, like come on... who would think they could take on a full grown buck by hand and win with only a rope? I think you could pass as insane to try.

Well, I've got news for ya! (NO, I didn't do it!) A guy who used to ride the same school bus with me back in the day, got fooled by his big brother into doing something really dumb.

Well.. he missed the bus a few days and when he finally got back on one morning, I noticed that his arm was in a sling and he had bandages all around his midriff and what looked like someone tried to give him a black eye and missed the eye a few times before finally succeeding.

It seems that his brother said it was a good Idea, after he went hunting with a 357 magnum, instead of shooting the animal repeatedly until it was dead, to go over, jump on its back, grab it by the horns while pulling it's head back and cut its throat.

Obviously, things did not go according to plan. After the deer was down, he said, he goes over and jumps on its back, grabs its horns.....

After a short sprint through trees, briars, low-hanging branches, my little bus rider friend had taken a few licks to the head, face, and shoulders area. (He kept a straight face while telling me this) After the surprise wore off he regained his thought process and deciding it was time to end the ride. This was inevitable, but Bad Idea number TWO. As soon as he let go the deer did like mentioned above and Stomped and pawed at him while poking downward with his horns in a RAMMING manner.

He broke two ribs and it was obvious that he had suffered several scratches and bruises.

But yeah, people are dumb enough to do such things and I very seriously doubt that DspBar's story was made up.

In high school we've actually tried to SHINE deer, where they freeze in place because of the bright lights.. and we'd get out and try to sneak up on them and grab them... All while drunk, of course. We managed to TOUCH one once, but it was gone in a flash... so next we agreed to try to punch it and knock it out... never got the chance.

[Tuck]

In high school we've actually tried to SHINE deer, where they freeze in place because of the bright lights.. and we'd get out and try to sneak up on them and grab them...

Yeah, we do that with bullfrogs on occasion. I did it last summer to show my little niece how it was done. She LOVED it. As long as you keep the light in their eyes, they won't budge.

But at least with bullfrogs you can't get pummeled with hooves or stabbed with antlers. You just get slimy hands.