I got this email awhile back from a friend. He said it summed me up in a nutshell. I know my daughters got a long time to go before dating, but im getting prepped. For the fathers out there this bud's for you.
>*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]
>
>Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering
>a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
>
>Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
>her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
>keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
>
>Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your
>age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
>their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
>friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about
>this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with
>your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not
>object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come
>off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric
>nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
>
>Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
>utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate,
>when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
>
>Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
>each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
>day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
>indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house,
>and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
>
>Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
>to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
>daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
>continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
>her cry, I will make you cry.
>
>Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
>appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
>to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
>putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the
>Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
>something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
>
>Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
>daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
>wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
>dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature
>is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
>T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
>parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual
>theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey
>games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
>
>Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
>middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
>am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you
>are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the
>whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
>acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
>
>Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
>the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
>paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my
>head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
>daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the
>car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce
>in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
>then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The
>camouflaged face at the window is mine.
>*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]
>
>Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering
>a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
>
>Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
>her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
>keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
>
>Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your
>age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
>their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
>friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about
>this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with
>your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not
>object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come
>off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric
>nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
>
>Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
>utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate,
>when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
>
>Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
>each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
>day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
>indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house,
>and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
>
>Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
>to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
>daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
>continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
>her cry, I will make you cry.
>
>Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
>appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
>to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
>putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the
>Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
>something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
>
>Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
>daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
>wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
>dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature
>is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
>T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
>parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual
>theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey
>games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
>
>Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
>middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
>am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you
>are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the
>whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
>acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
>
>Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
>the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
>paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my
>head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
>daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the
>car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce
>in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
>then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The
>camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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