I need advice (might be out of hand)

[thedeadlyassassin]

WARNING: If you see a cuss word, just know I apologize in advance. It's hard to type about this subject when you hate the subject so much.






So, we all now know I'm 18 and just graduate. From here on out, it's the truth. I may not be leaving Cain's Lair. I said that because I hardly ever post, but I didn't realize, I got a bunch of free time and a pocket full of graduation present cash that I'm saving for filming gear and college.

Anyways, I need advice.

I'll say it, my best friend is Tayeke. I donno if I'm his best friend, but he asked me first to move in and I've been with him since he first moved here and have sacrificed a lot of my hard earned cash, time, life style, and other things to help him stay in Oregon (his parents moved back to washington, he wanted to stay here, and I wanted him to stay here, he's my friend after all).

Anyways, I like to hang out with my friends. We all are friends with each other, all like to do stuff with each other and we all like to have fun.

EXCEPT ONE. I can't stand this kid. He's annoying as hell (it's very hard not to use the words I'd actually be saying if I was talking to someone), anyways. He's annoys the F out of me. He treats me like S...Garbage, and interrupts me whenever I talk. This kid knows I hate him, and he wont F off. Now that I'm 18, I can't punch him in the face. I would have done it long ago, but since Tayeke and some of my other friends are somewhat friends with this kid, I didn't want to start a huge feud.

ANYWAYS. I told tayeke, Vince (another good friend of mine), and another good friend of mine that I'm done with dealing with this asshole. Don't invite him if I'm there, don't invite me if he's there. We never get along, every moment I want to punch him in the face... blah blah blah I hate the guy if you haven't figured it out yet.

Knowing tayeke, I'm not done dealing with this guy. He's going to invite him to something I'm at and it's going to be hell to me and I'm going to come home full of rage wanting to kill this guy.

Here's a small secret. I was close to not graduating. God I hope no one I know sees this...

Well, pm me if you have good advice, and I'll tell you. It's very personal, and I could end up in Jail if vince or someone I know saw what I wrote and told the police.

Anyways. What I need advice on.

I need advice on how to deal with this situation. I get annoyed easily, there's no doubt in that. I can't stand talking on the phone with anyone really. I'm the kind of guy that's busy with everything it seems like. What I really need advice on is how to approach tayeke, tell him to listen, and tell him to first off stop treating me like crap (one thing I forgot to mention, when around this kid, tayeke treats me like s*** as well, which is pretty hurtful now that I'm his roommate, and he's my best friend out of my best friends.), 2nd, to make him understand "DONT BRING THIS GOD DAMN KID AROUND ME".

Third, what to say. I'm poor at insults or come backs. I just ignore the situation as best as I can. I know "it's best to avoid blah blah blah" but to be honest, that makes ya look like a p***, and they even call me a p*** because I just sit there, shake my head, and ignore it.

I know I've said a lot of immature things on these forums and done a lot of immature things and talked out of my ass a lot. I apologize, I am 18 and trying to have fun after all. But this post here is serious. I need advice, How do i deal with the situation if I am with my friends and that prick is there. How do I get my roommate to listen and understand that I'm done with the "being treated like s***" and hanging around the douche bag kid.

Basically, what do I say to make him listen.


And, sorry admins if I posted any foul language. Like I said, I may be underage, but my parents let me drink controllably. I do feel a bit silly and stupid and drunk, and probably have cussed a lot or not, I donno. Please don't ban me or hide my post I am serious about this. If you find anything bad please just edit it in stars or something. Again I apologize if it comes to that. I am a bit dazed and full of hate.

[Minerva]

Well, first of all, and this is just my opinion, I think you need to analyze the situation:

1) Maybe you consider Tayeke as your best friend. But if he treats you so badly, maybe you aren't his friend after all.
So I would suggest talking to Tayeke and letting him know about your feelings, telling him if he considers you his friend, the best way to show it is to respect you and to help you. Tell him that it is not funny anymore, that this attitude really hurts you. If he is a good friend, he should do something. If he keeps hurting you, then he is not a good friend for you.

2) Try to avoid the other guy, if you can't talk to him about this situation, just remove him from your life.

3) Insulting is not the solution, if they call you names, just say how bad-educated they are and ignore them. And seriously, you don't want to have friends like these around you.

4) It would be also nice, just as a learning experience, that you try to think about why they act like that with you. Aside from the fact they can be bad-educated, is there any of your behavior or attitudes that leads them to be like that? Not that it is justifiable...but it is good to think about our actions as well.

5) If you feel a bit drunk, that means your don't drink controllably. Alcohol is a depressive , so I would suggest stop drinking, really.

6) Try not to feel hate, it is not good for you. If you can't stand that person and you can't talk to him about it, move on and don't see him anymore. Find something you like to do, practice any sports? Finding a new social group with new people will show you that there are nicer people out there that don't have to insult you to be your friends.

I don't know, these are the first things that came to my mind after reading your post.

And on a side note, be honest with others, because you might think you are lying to them but the truth is that you are lying to yourself, one of the first premises for me is that you have to respect others to be respected, if that makes any sense to you. Good luck.

[-Bar]

Grow up, be a Man. Tell them to do the same. Always be the bigger man, and punching someone doesn't mean "being the bigger man".

[Zantheus]

Grow up, be a Man. Tell them to do the same. Always be the bigger man, and punching someone doesn't mean "being the bigger man".

+1 ur 18 man...U need to learn to deal with situations maturely and now you are an adult and you need to focus on who you are and what direction you want to go in life. Leave the BS at the door.

[Apache Warrior]

Treat people as you want them to treat you.
Apache

[{CLR}geneSW]

all good advice...

just keep in mind that if you simply stand there and shake your head, you are already showing that you don't care about the insults so much that you are going to talk trash back. Being the bigger man is being able to take the words they throw at you and simply shake them off. Just because they go that far down doesn't mean you have to. Oh, and true friends don't treat you like garbage, they treat you like a friend and with respect.

Grow up, be a Man.

Sounds like he's trying to bar, but just needs a bit of advice on the way. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

[Hammy]

Grow up, be a Man. Tell them to do the same. Always be the bigger man, and punching someone doesn't mean "being the bigger man".

+1

Responding with your fist will NOT change anything. It will end the situation very very badly, and you will never be forgiven.

Listen to Minerva's advice.
Also draw a line in the sand and hold your ground. If they ignore what you say, as painful as this sounds, get on with your life. These people are not the only friends you will ever have, and they are the ones that are shortsighted.

[thedeadlyassassin]

Okay let me tell you guys the real world. I appreciate your advice, I really do. it has helped and shows that people that haven't met me personally in life care.

But, this is the way it goes.


if I avoid the pecker face, than I avoid activities with my friends half the time. They went to see Indiana Jones Last night. I would have liked to go, but I can't deal with the kid.

Guys insult guys all the time, especially teenagers. Hopefully they'll grow the hell up, because I'm starting to get annoyed. Not to mention, I met some of my roommates family this week, and I can see where his "insultingness" comes from. Some insults are just taken too far.

Physical abuse, hate to say it, but sometimes IS the answer. Ask Vince_II, he had a kid that harassed him to hell. Vince tried reasoning with the dude, talking with his parents, and getting the authorities involved. NOTHING worked until he beat the living hell out of him.

They aren't my true friends? They are. We've done a lot together, done a lot for each other. When my friends insult me, they aren't the true people I am friends with, they are probably my rivals, enemies. They CHANGE when around this kid.

You should be able to go to your friends if you need help, but in this case, I can't, because they are also friends with that kid.

What I'm going to try is this...

STOP doing favors for people, stop caring about them, ignore them completely. I know they will be forced to come crawling back. I've done so much for them. If not, maybe I'll meet new people in college, even though my plans involve my friends.

[{CLR}geneSW]

Note: This is just my opinion, take it as you will.
Note2: This is going to be somewhat long winded.
K, lets take this from the top and work our way down.

Physical abuse, hate to say it, but sometimes IS the answer. Ask Vince_II, he had a kid that harassed him to hell. Vince tried reasoning with the dude, talking with his parents, and getting the authorities involved. NOTHING worked until he beat the living hell out of him.

Sounds to me like these people you are having problems with are underage (17 and below). Even if they aren't, there are still very real problems with taking things to a physical level. Such as dealing with the cops for example.

They aren't my true friends? They are. We've done a lot together, done a lot for each other. When my friends insult me, they aren't the true people I am friends with, they are probably my rivals, enemies. They CHANGE when around this kid.

Just because you do a lot with a person doesn't mean they are a true friend. You did however say that you all have done a lot for each other, and yes that does go to some distance. However, with that being said, I would hope you would realize that people grow apart over time, and that people within our age range (16-22, 23ish) tend to grow apart faster then others because they are finding themselves and figuring out what they want out of life and how they are going to get that. These goals tend to clash with others from time to time, especially if those people aren't at (or close to) the same maturity level that you are at in that point in time. If these people are changing only when they are around one person (being two faced in other words) and insulting you, making you feel as though your opinion doesn't matter, or de-moralizing you in any way, they they are not true friends.

True friends will help you out in your time's of need. They will be able to notice when something is bothering you, and will ask what it is at a minimum. They wont insult you, and they'll offer you a ear if you need to talk. Trust me, true friends are hard to find, but when you find one you'll know it.

You should be able to go to your friends if you need help, but in this case, I can't, because they are also friends with that kid.

This should tell you a lot about these "friends". For more about this, see above post.

[Hammy]

After reading this post:

http://www.cainslair.org/showthread.php?t=5736

And this one, I think it is safe to say that you are lonely and unhappy with the direction of your life.

Take a chance and just change it.

We all enter this world by ourselves in the care of our family.
As we get older, that care evaporates, and again, we are on our own.
When we die, we are in the care of others, but are still summed by the memories of a life lived.

All that being said- take a chance and make a change, even if you are going to have to fly solo for awhile.By the way I am keeping score, and in what you have already said here, we all fly solo- even when we are in groups.

These friends of yours are a bunch dicks- and I'm sorry to say this, but aren't worth a piss if what you are saying is true.
Even if you are to blame, conflict occurs in opposition of direction and force- so therefore, your friendship isnt going to work.

Get on with it- get your ass into school, get the classes under your belt, and get to college. THAT is where all the REALLY hot and interesting people are anyways.

~Hammy

[MR_MADHATTER]

I deeply sympathize with you. I've had kids, even younger relatives bug the crap out of me. I guess the best thing to do is avoid them when posible, don't get physical...that can be dangerous in more ways than one. When you can't take it any more, tell him to shut the hell up. Your "friends" may not like it but that's tough. Come right out and tell them how you feel about the situation. If they really are friends, they will understand. I'm real good at ignoring people that are anoying. Try to develope the skill. I can pretty much let someone know that they are about to be stomped on without uttering a word. My real friends know if I'm upset. The quieter I get, the more upset they know I am. Like Hammy said, there are lots of new friends out there at college. I met my best friend at a tech school. A falling out isn't the end of the world.

[Todd98]

Deadly now that you are out of High School your future is in front of you. Since you do not like the guy the best thing is just stay away from him.

You also have too realize that as life goes by you will be making new friends and nothing will ever stay the same always changing so I would just take it one day at a time.