This is A. Hamster, new anchor for the Cains Lair News Network. This weekend, our studio was hit by a terrorist known as "Wifey" who disrupted communications and took me hostage for a long list of "honney do's" whereby I was forced into a violently unpleasant mind-alteration state via shopping. Sparing you the details and gore, it consisted of matching towels in the kitchen, make-up, her trying clothes on, and well- you can just imagine the horrifying torture via complete and utter boredom.
At one point, I almost got away. As she walked down the aisles full fo Revlon and Loreal products, chattering away in a tongue only heathens and metro-sexuals would understand, I made my daring escape. But as I scampered down the main aisle, I was distracted- and then drawn, to a Playstation 3 kiosk. I began by trying to make contact with the gaming world, but was sucked into a game demo of unimaginable proportions. I was just moments away from level 3, when suddenly I heard "Honey?!! What in the hell are you doing? The kids and I were looking for you!"
aha! the kids! Her henchmen known as Mayhem and Destruction. We've had encounters before- and believe me, it has never been pretty. I submissed rather than risk losing my life.
There were times during my captivity when I was able to play a few rounds of TF2, CoD4, and DoD. But these were only petty moments where I was successful in bribing her with a credit card and some diamond earings that she has been babbling about for a century. These were shortlived moments of freedom, so I will have to write about these moment later today. There will be news from around the world later today on these topics.
Thank you for your patience and I will see you later today. PS - Send me your stories and the news bureau will edit them and add them as appropriate with full credit to the authors.
Until then- Good Hunting, and remember:
You'll come for the games, stay for the people, and get fragged by the Hamster
Until tonight, this is A. Hamster signing off- Good bye!
At one point, I almost got away. As she walked down the aisles full fo Revlon and Loreal products, chattering away in a tongue only heathens and metro-sexuals would understand, I made my daring escape. But as I scampered down the main aisle, I was distracted- and then drawn, to a Playstation 3 kiosk. I began by trying to make contact with the gaming world, but was sucked into a game demo of unimaginable proportions. I was just moments away from level 3, when suddenly I heard "Honey?!! What in the hell are you doing? The kids and I were looking for you!"
aha! the kids! Her henchmen known as Mayhem and Destruction. We've had encounters before- and believe me, it has never been pretty. I submissed rather than risk losing my life.
There were times during my captivity when I was able to play a few rounds of TF2, CoD4, and DoD. But these were only petty moments where I was successful in bribing her with a credit card and some diamond earings that she has been babbling about for a century. These were shortlived moments of freedom, so I will have to write about these moment later today. There will be news from around the world later today on these topics.
Thank you for your patience and I will see you later today. PS - Send me your stories and the news bureau will edit them and add them as appropriate with full credit to the authors.
Until then- Good Hunting, and remember:
You'll come for the games, stay for the people, and get fragged by the Hamster
Until tonight, this is A. Hamster signing off- Good bye!
Once again, quite hilarious Hammy 
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